Let it burn

My friends there, they are actually my friends. They may have hurt me and done some fucked up things to me, but you know what, they actually give a damn about me. They would stop me from going into the bathroom and throwing up every meal I fucking consume, they’d keep me isolating, they’d know when something was wrong, they’d know when I was secretly dying inside because they just know me. These people here all suck, I’d rather be home feeling violent and lonely. They don’t care, not like real friends care. All I ever am to these people, minus one or two, is just someone to vent to or to use for rides or something. I’m so sick of it, I can’t take it anymore. i am going insane inside. My knuckles are raw and bleeding from rubbing against my teeth so many times. I bought a pair of size 5 pants last week and was surprised that they fit me because I’m usually a size 7; those size 5’s don’t even fit me anymore. I look like one of those bro dude’s now with baggy pants falling off them. My collarbones stick out now and I have red dots accumulating on my face, I’m guessing because of the puking; but have any of them noticed? Fuck no. Why would they? I’ve even said these exact words “I haven’t ate anything and kept it down in over a month, and all I drink is diet pepsi or red bull” and what do they do? Nothing, just poke at my bones and tell me to eat meat (because I’m a vegetarian). I just can’t take it anymore. I need to get fucking out of here, maybe it’s just this house I need to get out of. I feel like I’ve become trapped here, I feel like I’m 16 again, like I have to ask permission before I make decisions in my life, even though I don’t, I still feel like that. I just need to get out, to be on my own again; I need friends that notice my pain without me having to say anything, because that’s what a real friend is.